What the fuck is that, “act my age”?
What do I care how old I am?
The Ocean is old as fuck.
It will still drown your ass with vigor."
— The greatest thing I have ever read (via guy)
— Lisa Unger (via dangnikki)
So, I got really excited because my friend Carrie asked me into her fantasy football league. No one has ever asked me into a league before, except my friend Scott who runs a suicide league, which is totally different.
I feel like people think I wouldn’t like to obsess over detailed statistics and keep to the NFL storylines & schedule for selecting players on a weekly basis- guys, I’m totally named after a soap opera character, and love football. Hello! I might win your league, off the bat, fresh off the boat #hairflip I like to think it’s jealousy that kept me out of your leagues.
Anyway - I thought I signed up for my league but I hate Yahoo and have a ridiculous s password I picked in 2006 when there was a minute I thought to expand past the same combination of words/letters/numbers I’ve been using since I logged onto AOL in 1996 for the first time. Yes, I realize it’s stupid to have the same password combos for everything, but 99% of America is stupid or we’d be in the 1% and I’m lazy.
I think I logged into Yahoo sports Fantasy Football League wrong in July/August and then probably got distracted negotiating a freelance offer or by a Kate Spade online sale, and never returned to the site to name my team anything awesome, like Same Old But Wait It’s New! Or Namath’s Numbnuts or something. I would have spent a ton more time on all of this stuff people- but I got busy!
So while I kept ESPN The Magazine’s issue about Fantasy Football’s Best Practices, *in print, so I could easily toggle between my laptop and the magazine #smartgirl* the draft started and I had a headache, and I was still lazy, and Carrie didn’t answer her texts emails or her phone during the draft cause she was *focusing* so then I was digitally locked out of the Yahoo site, for the duration of the night.
Today, I was surprised when I got an email, saying I owed $50 in the league. And Carrie told me that Yahoo drafted a team for me.
Now I’m in 4th place out of a league of 15 teams with Matt Forte, Michael Vick, and Ben Roethlisberger on my team. You know, spellcheck knew how to spell Roethlisberger #sad and I have a dog killer and a Pittsburgh rapist on my first Fantasy team, both Pennsylvania quarterbacks and no one from ANY New York team. And - the name of my team is- Laura’s Team. It’s so unoriginal. There’s a team in the league called- wait for it- RGIII’s Knee! Shame on me, it’s- like- not stylish.
See, I effing hate Yahoo and ridiculous security password combinations. This is everything that’s wrong with the world people!
There was a really good Kate Spade sale online today, off topic.